My coffee table equipped with a chocolate chip muffin, strawberries and a coffee.
I was down on my knees cleaning the coffee table and I felt this unbearable pain. All of the pressure to do well and all of the responsibilities in my life were crushing me. I held my breath and froze on the floor. Down on the floor like a dog curling its tail between its legs, I sat in shame. I felt the tears begin to rise. I wanted to crawl to bed and go to sleep while all of the things I must do and be just magically disappear. Down on the floor, I felt like giving up. For a moment, I lost the will to keep going.
Normally, I would have stopped cleaning, open a bottle of wine, lie on the couch and turn on Sleepless in Seattle. I would have continued to do this for the remainder of the week. I call it “zombie mode,” going through the motions of life but not really living or enjoying it. The blinds would all be closed and I would hide in the dark until I managed to shake off the weight and climb back out again.
When I felt this pain I paused, mid Pledge spray, and took a few moments before throwing my hands up in the air and saying, “I surrender.”
My hands came together in front of my chest. I closed my eyes and prayed.
I prayed for patience, I prayed for peace of mind, I prayed for strength and I prayed for love. I prayed that everything I do in life would come from a place of love. I asked the Universe and God for help and guidance. And then I let God take the lead.
I felt the pain and the shortness of breath ease away. I acknowledged it, asked for help and then let it go, off to the stars and to the heavens above. And I managed to breathe and be thankful for that breath.
I finished cleaning the coffee table and my home. All of the blinds were open and the light remained. I will not be trapped in darkness any more. That is what this spiritual journey means to me. It is the cure for my depression and anxiety. It is the source of my strength, of energy, and of love.
My mind and emotional state feel stronger than ever. I am beginning to feel as though I can handle anything that comes my way. For the first time in my life I can feel that love inside of me for myself. I deserve love. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be in the light. And my family deserves that love and light as well.
To surrender means to give up control and have faith. Believe that whatever you’re going through is happening for a reason and that you are strong enough to endure it. Not only endure the pain but to become even stronger than you were before it knocked you down.
Get up, clean your coffee table and breathe.
Peace and Love,
"Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything even when you cannot forsee the outcome." - Deepak Chopra
"The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.” - Julia Cameron
“If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.” - Anne Morrow Lindbergh